As early learning professionals, we know that challenging behaviors, from aggression to temper tantrums, are common in preschool classrooms. We also know that it can be tricky to respond effectively to these stressful situations. This article shares practical, compassionate strategies to de-escalate challenging behavior and help young children build social-emotional skills for the future.
While challenging behavior can be frustrating, it is important to remember that it is developmentally typical and appropriate. During early brain development, young children are learning cognitive and social-emotional skills that will help them regulate themselves when they experience big emotions like anger, frustration, and disappointment.
As caregivers, it can be helpful to remember that children who demonstrate challenging behaviors aren’t acting out intentionally– rather, they are having a hard time but lack the skills to manage their emotions on their own. By responding to children with positivity, empathy, and compassion, we help them develop a foundation of self-awareness and self-regulation skills that will equip them to cope with future emotional difficulties.
When a child is frustrated or upset, and emotions are running high, adult caregivers can de-escalate the situation by verbally validating the child’s experience. For example, we might say something like, “I can see how disappointed you are that it is time for us to clean up. It can be hard to put toys away when we are having so much fun.”
This type of response communicates that the child is seen, while also introducing them to language that names specific emotions. Over time, these interactions equip children with a set of tools they will be able to use to communicate their experiences.
In moments of challenging behavior, it is important to choose our words with care. Avoid using negative language, such as “don’t” or “stop,” that emphasizes what the child shouldn’t do, and instead try more positive language that tells the child what you would like them to do. For example, rather than saying, “Stop yelling,” you might say “please use a quieter voice so that I can understand what you have to say.” Or, rather than telling children, “don’t run in the classroom,” you could remind them that “we use our walking feet when we come inside.”
Challenging behavior happens when children don’t know how to manage the feelings that they are experiencing. This is why it is important to demonstrate self-calming responses that help children tap into skills for coping with emotions. For example, when a child is upset, we can help them practice taking some deep breaths to calm their bodies. Or, when a child feels angry and might be inclined to hit another child, we can offer a safe alternative for releasing aggression, such as a pillow or a stuffed animal, along with some words of guidance like, “I can see that you’re feeling angry, but I won’t let you hit your friend. Let’s take a break and squish these stuffed animals as hard as we can.”
Introducing strategies for redirecting challenging behavior, helps children develop a set of tools and coping skills they can use any time they feel overwhelmed or upset.
Once the challenging moment has passed, acknowledge the child’s positive behavior. You might say something like, “I love the way you took some deep breaths to calm yourself down when you were feeling angry! I am so happy to see you feeling better!” It’s especially beneficial to be specific when offering praise, so that the child learns exactly what kinds of behaviors we do want to see in the classroom.
Incorporating positive reinforcement throughout the day (even when challenging behaviors are not occurring) will help to encourage more desirable behaviors. It feels good to receive praise, and little ones like knowing what kinds of things they can do to get positive reinforcement and attention from their caregivers!
Managing challenging behavior can be difficult, and responding with compassion and love requires us to have a lot of patience! We can develop our capacity to maintain composure during stressful moments by taking time each day to practice our favorite self-care routines.
A few helpful educator self-care resources are included below:
